No seriously what the hell?
We appear to somehow still be alive...
Apologies did I forget to mention that your lives were replenished for the transition challenges. You still have 2 left.
What really? First: that's awesome this place actually did something fairly for once! Second: Fuck you for not telling us that earlier. You jerk.
So where are we now?
A temporary zone. You will be held here for a time and then you will be transported to your next transition challenge. I suggest you take the time to rest.
Will do...
Thursday 27 December 2012
Monday 24 December 2012
Transition challenge # 2
So we're in a room now... It seems to be just a hallway... The door is on the other side and the ceiling stretches off into darkness. I don't trust this...
You know it's Christmas Eve...
So? You're not Christian.
I know but still I can't believe I'm going to be busy fighting for my life through Christmas... It's just unthinkable...
Stop being a sentimental idiot and focus.
It's a hallway... Something will probably drop down from the ceiling as I try to get across. It's not really unpredictable...
Drake has stepped forward and...
Is that music?
Yes I believe it is...
I think it's that stupid song from that game...
Which game?
You know that old game. The one everyone loves. Um... Damn it what's it called?
Tetris
Right! Yeah, Tetris! Wait... Oh fuck Tetris...
Drake is looking up and sure enough there is a block falling down from the ceiling. I suggest running...
YEP!
Drake is running but the block has slammed down over the exit. It's a vertical I-Block and is blocking the exit. For scale each block section is the same height as Drake. Drake has stopped and is staring up at the sky. There is a J-block falling down now and Drake is moving backwards as it lands next to the I-block. An O-block has fallen behind him narrowly missing crushing him as he backed into it. There is now a T-block falling on his position. I suggest you climb up on the J-block to avoid it.
He has done so. The block falling has erased the bottom layer causing Drake to fall on his ass but the exit is still blocked by three segments of the I block. There are also still two sections of the O-block blocking the first two columns from the entrance, an empty spot in the third column, the top segment of the T-block in the 4th column, Drake is in the 5th column and the 6th column contains the two segments remaining of the J-block. Meaning three more layers must be destroyed in order to get to the exit. All while not getting crushed and hoping no more blocks fall in the 6th or 7th columns... Good luck Drake.
Fu...
Oh and then Drake was trapped by another falling T-block landing direct center on the remains of the first t-block... Guess you're safe for now but going to have to wait till another line is destroyed just to move again...
... Well this is boring...
An L-block has fallen on the remains of the O-block completing the second row line. Drake is no longer trapped and is now standing on the two high block wall in the 7th column. There are now two blocks in the 1st column, 1 in the 2nd column, 0 in the 3rd, 2 in the 4th, 0 in the 5th, 1 in the 6th, 2 and Drake in the 7th. Another block is falling. A Horizontal I-block has landed covering the third row at 3,4,5 and 6th columns. This is not good as it blocks the ability to destroy the lines below it without first destroying it.
No... Fuck it. I'm not going for the exit. I'm climbing this thing to the top.
But the exit-
Is probably just a trick. There's no way to get to it now. The Exit has to be the top of the screen.
If you say so...
Drake has climbed onto the horizontal I-block and is now standing in the third column. His arms are outspread. An O-block has landed on columns 6 and 7 followed immediately on the same spot by a J-block. An S-block then fell hanging on the edge of the J-block and another S-block fell on it creating a stairway which Drake quickly scaled to the top of the J-block. He is now 8 rows high and standing in the 7th column once again. A vertical I-block has fallen on the 3rd column. A horizontal I-block is falling now on the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th columns. Drake will have to drop down and become trapped or remain and be crushed.
No I'm jumping to the vertical I-block.
What? That's 4 squares away and 1 block above the one you're on.
Doing it anyways!
He's jumped... and actually managed somehow to make it. He obviously didn't jump on but managed to launch himself high and far enough to catch the edge with one hand and pull him up before the horizontal I-block landed.
Drake... I will never say this again. That was admittedly impressive.
Thanks.
It was also incredibly stupid. You are now 9 squares high. The standard Tetris game size is 10 columns by 22 rows with the top 2 rows offscreen. This would mean you have 11 more rows to climb. However since this game field is only 7 columns wide the number of rows high it is may be altered as well. So who knows. Good luck.
... Alright then.
A T-block has landed on columns 4, 5 and 6. An I-block has landed on 7. An S-block has landed on 5, 6 and 7. Drake has ran to 6 in order to dodge a Z-block landing on 3, 4 and 5. It was slid in from 2, 3 and 4 and so did not hit the S-block at 5. He has now climbed to 4 and jumped off onto the end of the S-block and climbed to the top of 7. He is now 12 rows high. Above there is now barely visible a swirling portal of some sort. The blocks are coming from it. It appears to only be 3 rows above us. Drake... You might actually reach the top.
A horizontal I-block has fallen onto 1, 2, 3 and 4 and an L-block has landed on 1 and 2. The top of the L-block is touching the portal. Drake if you can get up there before anything else lands on 1 you can make it.
Actually that's a good question... What happens if whoever's playing loses?
I assume all the blocks will disappear and you'll fall to your death...
Wait so if I had just gotten myself trapped down low I could have just waited it out?
Oh... Um... Oops...
... Well fuck no choice now.
An O-block has landed on 2 and 3 but this is not helpful it merely means that a block falling on 1, 2 or 3 will trigger game over. Another L-block has fallen on 4 and 5. A Z-block has slid into 5, 6 and 7 and Drake has managed to jump onto the edge before being crushed against the wall. Drake this is a stairway straight to the top! Run before another block falls!
Drake is running! He's managed to scramble onto the top of column 4! You made it Drake! You've gotten above the screen!
Fuck yeah! Wait... What did that just say?
Game over.
Oh son of a b-
The blocks have all disappeared and Drake is falling to his death. This being our last life I assume failure is imminent. Thank you very much Drake. You have ruined my chances.
Fuck y-
You know it's Christmas Eve...
So? You're not Christian.
I know but still I can't believe I'm going to be busy fighting for my life through Christmas... It's just unthinkable...
Stop being a sentimental idiot and focus.
It's a hallway... Something will probably drop down from the ceiling as I try to get across. It's not really unpredictable...
Drake has stepped forward and...
Is that music?
Yes I believe it is...
I think it's that stupid song from that game...
Which game?
You know that old game. The one everyone loves. Um... Damn it what's it called?
Tetris
Right! Yeah, Tetris! Wait... Oh fuck Tetris...
Drake is looking up and sure enough there is a block falling down from the ceiling. I suggest running...
YEP!
Drake is running but the block has slammed down over the exit. It's a vertical I-Block and is blocking the exit. For scale each block section is the same height as Drake. Drake has stopped and is staring up at the sky. There is a J-block falling down now and Drake is moving backwards as it lands next to the I-block. An O-block has fallen behind him narrowly missing crushing him as he backed into it. There is now a T-block falling on his position. I suggest you climb up on the J-block to avoid it.
He has done so. The block falling has erased the bottom layer causing Drake to fall on his ass but the exit is still blocked by three segments of the I block. There are also still two sections of the O-block blocking the first two columns from the entrance, an empty spot in the third column, the top segment of the T-block in the 4th column, Drake is in the 5th column and the 6th column contains the two segments remaining of the J-block. Meaning three more layers must be destroyed in order to get to the exit. All while not getting crushed and hoping no more blocks fall in the 6th or 7th columns... Good luck Drake.
Fu...
Oh and then Drake was trapped by another falling T-block landing direct center on the remains of the first t-block... Guess you're safe for now but going to have to wait till another line is destroyed just to move again...
... Well this is boring...
An L-block has fallen on the remains of the O-block completing the second row line. Drake is no longer trapped and is now standing on the two high block wall in the 7th column. There are now two blocks in the 1st column, 1 in the 2nd column, 0 in the 3rd, 2 in the 4th, 0 in the 5th, 1 in the 6th, 2 and Drake in the 7th. Another block is falling. A Horizontal I-block has landed covering the third row at 3,4,5 and 6th columns. This is not good as it blocks the ability to destroy the lines below it without first destroying it.
No... Fuck it. I'm not going for the exit. I'm climbing this thing to the top.
But the exit-
Is probably just a trick. There's no way to get to it now. The Exit has to be the top of the screen.
If you say so...
Drake has climbed onto the horizontal I-block and is now standing in the third column. His arms are outspread. An O-block has landed on columns 6 and 7 followed immediately on the same spot by a J-block. An S-block then fell hanging on the edge of the J-block and another S-block fell on it creating a stairway which Drake quickly scaled to the top of the J-block. He is now 8 rows high and standing in the 7th column once again. A vertical I-block has fallen on the 3rd column. A horizontal I-block is falling now on the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th columns. Drake will have to drop down and become trapped or remain and be crushed.
No I'm jumping to the vertical I-block.
What? That's 4 squares away and 1 block above the one you're on.
Doing it anyways!
He's jumped... and actually managed somehow to make it. He obviously didn't jump on but managed to launch himself high and far enough to catch the edge with one hand and pull him up before the horizontal I-block landed.
Drake... I will never say this again. That was admittedly impressive.
Thanks.
It was also incredibly stupid. You are now 9 squares high. The standard Tetris game size is 10 columns by 22 rows with the top 2 rows offscreen. This would mean you have 11 more rows to climb. However since this game field is only 7 columns wide the number of rows high it is may be altered as well. So who knows. Good luck.
... Alright then.
A T-block has landed on columns 4, 5 and 6. An I-block has landed on 7. An S-block has landed on 5, 6 and 7. Drake has ran to 6 in order to dodge a Z-block landing on 3, 4 and 5. It was slid in from 2, 3 and 4 and so did not hit the S-block at 5. He has now climbed to 4 and jumped off onto the end of the S-block and climbed to the top of 7. He is now 12 rows high. Above there is now barely visible a swirling portal of some sort. The blocks are coming from it. It appears to only be 3 rows above us. Drake... You might actually reach the top.
A horizontal I-block has fallen onto 1, 2, 3 and 4 and an L-block has landed on 1 and 2. The top of the L-block is touching the portal. Drake if you can get up there before anything else lands on 1 you can make it.
Actually that's a good question... What happens if whoever's playing loses?
I assume all the blocks will disappear and you'll fall to your death...
Wait so if I had just gotten myself trapped down low I could have just waited it out?
Oh... Um... Oops...
... Well fuck no choice now.
An O-block has landed on 2 and 3 but this is not helpful it merely means that a block falling on 1, 2 or 3 will trigger game over. Another L-block has fallen on 4 and 5. A Z-block has slid into 5, 6 and 7 and Drake has managed to jump onto the edge before being crushed against the wall. Drake this is a stairway straight to the top! Run before another block falls!
Drake is running! He's managed to scramble onto the top of column 4! You made it Drake! You've gotten above the screen!
Fuck yeah! Wait... What did that just say?
Game over.
Oh son of a b-
The blocks have all disappeared and Drake is falling to his death. This being our last life I assume failure is imminent. Thank you very much Drake. You have ruined my chances.
Fuck y-
Sunday 23 December 2012
Transition Challenge # 1
Ok so there's a table here now...
There's a pineapple on the table.
I think you're supposed to eat it.
I can't eat a pineapple...
Seriously? It's a god damn pineapple just eat it.
But I-
STFU and eat the god damn pineapple you stupid little man.
Fine!
Oh...
Fuck you...
Ok so apparently Drake is allergic to Pineapples...
He's glaring at me now but he stopped as he began throwing up again. The skin around his eyes are now all red and blotchy. I don't think he's in any serious danger...
Hate you so maaaaaghh!
Sorry you should have said you were allergic...
I tried you stupid fu-
Perhaps we'll wait until you're symptoms have subsided before continuing this argument...
No sorry. I'm afraid you cannot do that. Drake must complete the challenge before his symptoms subside.
Are you fucking ser-
What is the challenge then?
Look around.
Is that a microphone and Karaoke machine?
NOOOOOOOPE!
Oh hey you stopped vomiting?
Yeah I'm feeling be-
Oh nevermind...
Drake must sing through a song before his symptoms end.
Can't be done...
Sure it can.
But he'll be throwing up the whole time?
I never said he had to sing it well...
Alright... Well Drake looks like you've got to try and sing through it or we die.
Oh god why...
It seems there is only one song for selection...
Humbling river? The fu-
Ugh... That was gross
Shut up...
Well start going you don't have much time left I assume...
Ok fine...
The song has started...
My eyes are too swollen to see the lyrics.
Just try your best
Alrig-
Ok stop vomiting then try your best...
Nature, nurture heathens and hoes
Son of Al, and by them, driver
Toe conquer Berry mountain shawn
But I've never crossed the river
Braved the forests, braved the stone
Braved the icy winds and tire
Braved and blaaaaaaaaghh
...helpless by the river
Anger angel, what have I done?
I've faced the quakers, the wind, the fire
I've conquered country, grown, and throne
Why can't I cross this river?
Angel, angaaghh
Oh god whaaaaaagh
*Panting and retching*
...the battles you've run
It'll take a lot more than rage and muscle
Open your heart and hands, my son
Or you'll never make it over the river
It'll take a lot more than words and guns
A whole lot more than bitches and muscle
The hands of the many must join as one
And together-
Oh... Oh god I can't... I can't do anymore...
That's ok it wasn't as funny as I thought it would be anyways...
Wait what?
Drake's allergic reaction has disappeared and the door to the next challenge has opened. Drake is swearing profusely.
There's a pineapple on the table.
I think you're supposed to eat it.
I can't eat a pineapple...
Seriously? It's a god damn pineapple just eat it.
But I-
STFU and eat the god damn pineapple you stupid little man.
Fine!
Oh...
Fuck you...
Ok so apparently Drake is allergic to Pineapples...
He's glaring at me now but he stopped as he began throwing up again. The skin around his eyes are now all red and blotchy. I don't think he's in any serious danger...
Hate you so maaaaaghh!
Sorry you should have said you were allergic...
I tried you stupid fu-
Perhaps we'll wait until you're symptoms have subsided before continuing this argument...
No sorry. I'm afraid you cannot do that. Drake must complete the challenge before his symptoms subside.
Are you fucking ser-
What is the challenge then?
Look around.
Is that a microphone and Karaoke machine?
NOOOOOOOPE!
Oh hey you stopped vomiting?
Yeah I'm feeling be-
Oh nevermind...
Drake must sing through a song before his symptoms end.
Can't be done...
Sure it can.
But he'll be throwing up the whole time?
I never said he had to sing it well...
Alright... Well Drake looks like you've got to try and sing through it or we die.
Oh god why...
It seems there is only one song for selection...
Humbling river? The fu-
Ugh... That was gross
Shut up...
Well start going you don't have much time left I assume...
Ok fine...
The song has started...
My eyes are too swollen to see the lyrics.
Just try your best
Alrig-
Ok stop vomiting then try your best...
Nature, nurture heathens and hoes
Son of Al, and by them, driver
Toe conquer Berry mountain shawn
But I've never crossed the river
Braved the forests, braved the stone
Braved the icy winds and tire
Braved and blaaaaaaaaghh
...helpless by the river
Anger angel, what have I done?
I've faced the quakers, the wind, the fire
I've conquered country, grown, and throne
Why can't I cross this river?
Angel, angaaghh
Oh god whaaaaaagh
*Panting and retching*
...the battles you've run
It'll take a lot more than rage and muscle
Open your heart and hands, my son
Or you'll never make it over the river
It'll take a lot more than words and guns
A whole lot more than bitches and muscle
The hands of the many must join as one
And together-
Oh... Oh god I can't... I can't do anymore...
That's ok it wasn't as funny as I thought it would be anyways...
Wait what?
Drake's allergic reaction has disappeared and the door to the next challenge has opened. Drake is swearing profusely.
Saturday 22 December 2012
Reanimating
... Did we just get frozen again?
Yes.
... You're not The Fake Genome?
No I am The Glitch. I'm talking to you in the place of your guide.
Alright so why were we frozen?
The Game has changed.
That doesn't sound good.
We are going to be passing through a transition stage.
And?
You will be facing extra challenges until such time as the proper challenges start.
Great...
I don't know why but I blame you for this Genome.
I honestly could not care less Drake.
Really?
Yes I am too busy being pissed that my change to a human being is being delayed due to what sounds very much like a god damn clerical issue.
Woah... Um Genome?
What?
You're showing emotion again.
Drake... Shut up.
Yes.
... You're not The Fake Genome?
No I am The Glitch. I'm talking to you in the place of your guide.
Alright so why were we frozen?
The Game has changed.
That doesn't sound good.
We are going to be passing through a transition stage.
And?
You will be facing extra challenges until such time as the proper challenges start.
Great...
I don't know why but I blame you for this Genome.
I honestly could not care less Drake.
Really?
Yes I am too busy being pissed that my change to a human being is being delayed due to what sounds very much like a god damn clerical issue.
Woah... Um Genome?
What?
You're showing emotion again.
Drake... Shut up.
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