Sunday 6 January 2013

Transition Challenge #4

So what the hell is this challenge?

What does it look like?

... A strange circus performance.

...

There's a giant dartboard and a pit full of hedgehogs...

They are porcupines actually...

Whatever the hell they are what am I supposed to do with them?

Well there is a dartboard and no darts but a bunch of prickly little creatures right nearby. What do you think you might have to do here?

Do I have to throw the porcupines at a dart board?

Yes.

That seems a little... Um horrifically cruel

It would be if these were real porcupines but of course they are merely more of the tale weavers creations like myself.

Oh well ok then... Um except they're all covered in quills how am I supposed to grab them.

Not my problem.

... You're actually starting to make me miss Genome. That's not cool.

Starting? You were blubbering like a baby about how you were all alone now just a few minutes ago.

Well they didn't know that...

They do now.

You bastard.

Well I don't miss Genome. I just don't want to be alone. Genome can go to hell.

Ok enough. Commence with the challenge.

Fine... Ok let's see here...

Drake is attempting to coax one of the porcupines onto his hand. It is not working.

He appears to be getting frustrated.

He has made a grab for one of the porcupines.

OH FUCK THAT HURTS

He has impaled his hand on it's quills. However it is now in fact stuck to his hand...

Good job Drake you caught one.

Go me...

Now throw it. You must get a total of 300 points.

Ow ow... Right 300 points... With only 6-STOP SQUIRMING DAMN IT!- Porcupines... Lowest score possible is 20 points highest 100 but the 100 space is OW FUCKING HELL STAY STILL! a tiny block in the exact shape of one of the porcupines and I doubt I'll be able to get that. Next lowest is 75 and then 50 If I get OW FUCK ok that's it throwing this bastard now figuring it out later!

Drake has thrown the poor critter. He has completely missed the dartboard...

... It's not easy tossing a living thing. Especially a struggling little thing that's impaled in your hand.

Drake missed the dartboard entirely by 8 and a half feet.

It's really not easy...

Do better.

Wow my hand is bleeding a lot... Porcupine quills aren't poisonous are they?

I don't know or care grab another one.

... I don't have much of a choice huh.

Drake has picked up another porcupine and again managed to get impaled. However he was smart enough this time to grab it by the underside with his other hand and remove it before throwing. He got a 20. You still need to do better. 

I am really starting to hate you.

Wah wah... Just throw the damn animals.

Drake has proceeded to toss the next 3 porcupines in rapid succession with only minimal maiming. He has scored a 50 a 75 and another 75. See I told you to do better and you did.

What are you talking about I have one porcupine left and I need at least 80 points.

Well yes you're essentially doomed but you're still doing better than you were earlier.

Well I'm not entirely doomed... I mean I could hit the bullseye...

No you're doomed.

Wow thanks for the faith... I'm gonna hit that bullseye.

Whatever you say. Although I should warn you that if you do not land the porcupine perfectly on the bullseye it counts instead as a 75.

I figured as much. well time to make the most perfect shot in the history of forever. Porcupine shaped porcupine in the porcupine shaped hole. Just like the second challenge.

Drake has picked up the final porcupine. He's transferred it to his throwing hand. He's aiming. He's thrown it! It's going! It's going! Woah... He actually fucking made it.

BOO-FUCKING YEAH!

Unfortunately you still failed the challenge.

What bullshit I have 320 points. That's 20 more than 300!

Exactly. The goal was to get 300.

... Wait I had to get exactly 300?

Yes. I did say earlier that you were doomed.

That's fucking bullshit!

This is what happens when you don't pay attention to the instructions.

No. God damn it. This is stupid.

Stupid or not you failed this transition challenge. You will be sent back to the holding cell

Dick...

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